Drained.

Monday - 27th July

I don't know who to trust, no surprise
Everyone feels so far away from me
Heavy thoughts sift through dust
And the lies

Trying not to break,
But I'm so tired of this deceit
Everytime I try to make myself
Get back up on my feet
All I ever think about is this
All the tiring and time between
And how trying to put my trust in you
Just takes so much out of me


I'll take everything from the inside
And throw it all away
Cause I swear, for the last time
I won't trust myself with you

Tension is building inside, steadily
Everyone feels so far away from me
Heavy thoughts forcing their way, out of me

Trying not to break
But I'm so tired of this deceit
Everytime I try to make myself
Get back up on my feet
All I ever think about is this
All the tiring and time between
And how, trying to put my trust in you
Just takes so much out of me


Take everything from the inside
And throw it all away
'Cause I swear, for the last time
I won't trust myself with you

From the Inside - Linkin Park

Ra sucked at usual. Learnt nth new. Was kind of a refreshement for the mind.
Spent some time at the library, completed both individual and group work.
4 projects down, 1 more to go. Bused home at about 6.30pm.

Met up with Dillion and Mingkit at blk 323 at about 9plus? Dillion went off with his dad first. Had a nice chat with mk, poured out my troubles to him.
Conclusion : Its good to have friends that are trustable and genuine. Hmmm, those friendships I've made since prim school till now, I'll never let them go. Thanks mk and dillion (:


Its okay to take advantage, but not going overboard.
All humans have limits.

long day long day.

Saturday - 25th July.

Left house at 10am.
Had marketing proj at 7th floor of school's library today.
Not bad, kept disturbing Kelly about how BIG SIZE she was. SHE NEEDA SLIM DOWN AND STOP eating on those chocolates. Sinful sinful huhh. :x
(Kelly, want me to be your food nutritionist? Just like I did for mengyun? Maybe I wouldn't need to spend money on lunch anymore. Kope all the food only :D)

Hmm, im quite satisfied with the progress. Guess things starts to pick up once again for me.

Decided to head towards the opposite of school to have lunch. Met SLSM on the way there. Quite fated hor?

We ate at kfc, some family combo thing. I guessed i ate loads of Kelly's portion. She should be glad about it huh. Helping her to slim down LOLS.

Headed to church for cell after that. Sorry guys, didn't brought my bible. Didnt expect my proj to end that quickly. So yups, haha.
Went for dinner with some of our cell mates at boonkeng.
I won the guessing competition. We were suppose to guess how much did the dinner cost. Hmm, it cost $87, but i guessed $95. So i won for being the nearest guesser.
Terry treated my share of dinner for being the winner. THANKS A LOT AH. LOVE YOU LOADS.

Bused home at about 10pm. 12hours out of house. Lets do it more often.
It ain't home sweet home at all.

28 more days.

Do you know what's worth fighting for,
When it's not worth dying for?
Does it take your breath away
And you feel yourself suffocating?
Does the pain weigh out the pride?
And you look for a place to hide?
Did someone break your heart inside?
You're in ruins

One, 21 guns
Lay down your arms
Give up the fight
One, 21 guns
Throw up your arms into the sky,
You and I

When you're at the end of the road
And you lost all sense of control
And your thoughts have taken their toll
When your mind breaks the spirit of your soul
Your faith walks on broken glass
And the hangover doesn't pass
Nothing's ever built to last
You're in ruins

One, 21 guns
Lay down your arms
Give up the fight
One, 21 guns
Throw up your arms into the sky,
You and I

Did you try to live on your own
When you burned down the house and home?
Did you stand too close to the fire?
Like a liar looking for forgiveness from a stone

When it's time to live and let die
And you can't get another try
Something inside this heart has died
You're in ruins

One, 21 guns
Lay down your arms
Give up the fight
One, 21 guns
Throw up your arms into the sky

One, 21 guns
Lay down your arms
Give up the fight
One, 21 guns
Throw up your arms into the sky,
You and I.

21 Guns - Greenday


Pick yourself up kid. No one is going to take pity on you. The shadows would be the only one walking with you.
Roughly 4 more weeks to exams. cool huh.

Facing reality.

POM presentation was kind of bad. Individually, guessed I didn't do that well for it. But our grouped aced the skit. Got the class and teacher's attention. Star actor or rather "ACTRESS" goes to Jeremy. He was playing a girl's role during the act. Hmmm, the video of the skit would be uploaded on facebook soon!

Quote of the day. "The greatest glory isn't about not encountering any failures. But picking ourselves up when we fail."

Although we didn't performed at our optimum performance during the presentation, we could still focus on the end sem test. All hope isn't lost yet.

To Jeremy, Kaye, Sharifah and Kirin : Lets do well for POM's end sem exams tgt alrights. At least we owned in the group presentation :)


Thanks for being concern, Im alright. Those worries are being sincerely appreciated :)

When we are weak, dwell in His place.

Here in your presence,
We are undone.
Here in your presence,
Heaven and earth become one.

Here in your presence,
All things are new.
Here is your presence,
Everything bows before You.

In delimma.

Many stuffs has been happening recently.
Will targets be achieved with thousands of obstacles set infront of our eyes?

End sem exams are coming in about 4-5 weeks or so. Roughly 1 month? Project deadlines are hitting on the days to come. Will we attain the desired grades we want? Or would we be left disappointed after those countless of meet ups, travelling time invested on it.

Being a follower of Christ isn't easy. I don't have as much free time as my unchurch friends. My weekends are so called being "burned-up". But in return, I get God's love, encouragement. I was browsing through my msn list just now. And one of my close friend's pm goes like this, "How much does following Jesus would cost?".
This seriously strucked me hard.

Done some deep reflections. Like i once said, situations can be viewed in different perceptions. It depends on how we look at it. Would we wanna look at the cup being half filled? Or the cup being half empty.

Christianity doesn't offer us a bed of strewn roses. It doesn't give us what would we want, we desire at all times. And when things don't walk smoothly, we tend to doubt God's existence. The word "FAITH" comes into the picture.
Hmmm, at times I question myself why do I still wanna dedicate my weekends, my life towards an intangible person? When i could seriously do much enjoyable stuffs with my other friends.
The reason is simply, God's love. Emphasising on blogs, repeating over and over again wouldn't be effective. The only way that one could really understand what Im trying to imply, is to have an experience with him. A serious encounter with him.
A time when you'd really get to feel his presence manifesting.



Another question for the day. Would you all want to have undivided or divided attention from someone?

An undivided attention is something you get from a special person. The other half that you'd really share your thoughts with, someone to cling on with. Go through tears and laughter together, knowing more about what life could really offer you.
You have to be responsible, being able to handle the word "LOVE" in a mature way.

Or a divided attention from friends, a much casual friendship with no emotions attached?

Sorry guys, kind of stress right now. It gets me thinking and I cant sleep lol. Its like 1.30am in the morn and im typing nonsense.

Hope everything would be alright after a goodnight's rest.

Is it something real and meaningful?
Or would it be just another name.
Will it be something that would last?
Or would it be just another game.

Why-Nicole Nordeman

We rode into town the other day
Just me and my daddy
He said I'd finally reached that age
And I could ride next to him on a horse
That of course was not quite as wide

We heard a crowd of people shouting
And so we stopped to find out why
And there was that man that my dad said he loved
But today there was fear in his eyes

So I said daddy why are they screaming
Why are the faces of some of them beaming?
Why is he dressed in that bright purple robe?
I'll bet that crown hurts him more then he shows
Daddy please can't you do something?
He looks as though he's gonna cry
You said he was stronger then all of those guys
Daddy please tell me why?
Why does everyone want him to die?

Later that day the sky grew cloudy
And daddy said I should go inside
Somehow he knew things would get stormy
Boy was he right
But I could not keep from wondering
If there was something he had to hide
So after he left I had to find out
I was not afraid of getting lost
So I followed the crowds
To a hill where I knew men had been killed
And I heard a voice come from the cross

And it said father why are they screaming?
Why are the faces of some of them beaming?
Why are they casting their lots for my clothes?
This crown of thorns hurts me more then it shows
Father please can't you do something?
I know that you must hear my cry's
I thought I could handle a cross of this size
Father remind me why?
Why does everyone want me to die?
When will I understand why?

My precious son
I hear them screaming
I'm watching the face of the enemy beaming
But soon I will clothe you in robes of my own
Jesus this hurts me much more then you know
But this dark hour
I must do nothing
Though I've heard your unbearable cries
The power in your blood
Destroys all of the lies
Soon you'll see past their unmerciful lies
Look there below
See the child
Trembling by her father's side
Now I can tell you why
She is why you must die

When the word dawns upon our hearts, faith is as unconscious as breathing.

Attended service today. Hmmmmm, Pastor Dan shared about "Christ the Healer".
He reminded us that Christ was not only able to heal us when we seek for him. But he is WILLING AS WELL.
Felt good after some of the church members like Tim, Zh and william prayed for me.
Thanks everyone for praying.
It was kind of ironic, many of my church-mates fell sick on the same week, with the same implications like sore throat..cough and stuff like that. Is it cursed or is it just coincidence? Haha oh well.

After service, hanged out with cell mates at the coffeeshop near the train station of potong pasir.

Didn't brought my keys out. So i couldn't go home immediately after service.
Met up with Daniel and Dillion at Dhoby Ghaut after that. Slacked around there, talk about life. Time really flies when Im with them. Ate dinner at the 6th floor of plaza sing. Trained back home with them at about 7pm.



Ohmy, i hope you'd know how i feel. Im trying, im trying really hard. And I'll continue to try harder.

Results wont bring eternal satisfaction to oneself.

Kind of pissed when we got back our econs results. Although yeah, not to boast but, I got the highest for econs in class. And that pretty lady in class kept telling me to watch out because she cant face the reality. "We see who get higher for end sem exam okay? I wanna prove to you that I can beat you."
Why must you be so tense and competitive?

I was thinking to myself, "WHAT IS WRONG WITH THIS KID. ITS ONLY RESULTS. PLUS, THE BOTH OF US GOT an A FOR THE SUBJECT."

Results doesnt really satisfy our thirst. Its pretty much similar when it comes to money.
Like they say, " Earth can meet man's need, but not greed."
This is why they all say that poly is full of politics, backstabbing and stuffs. But I'll choose not to believe in it, because what I want is peace in my poly life and among my peers too. We would have fun, stress, cry together. It builds a strong foundation for the friendship we make. And the sweet memories would never be forgotten once we had graduated from the campus.
What matters most is the love you have among your peers, family etc.
And can I emphasise once again, that God's love is everlasting and exccedingly abundantly. Even when we ain't faithful towards Him, He is still by our side.
Its that agape that He has shown me. That is what kept me going on and on.

To that pretty lady: Poly is a place to have fun with friends, working together to achieve good grades. It isn't about solo-ing in school and topping the class.
You'll wanna graduate as a loner, a loser without close friends? I hope not. If not I'll feel a sharp pain for you.
Piece of advice, have some Christ in your life.
(If you know who you are, no offence to you. But I just need to point out this flaw to you. Hope you'd understand what I meant.)

Been to the bottom of every bottle.

3rd July- Friday.

Had tons of project yest. 3 subjects cramming in one day really sucks.
Didnt felt like friday haha. More of that kind of "Monday Blues".

Stuffs ended about 5 plus. Accompanied Kellyann to boonkeng, met up with the bros at Bishan's Pizza hut for dinner. Their retarded cells were acting up again. LOLS.
Went to Dill's house after that to pick something up. Felt the "suana" heat of his house again. As stuffy as always hahaha. Hmmms, had a short heart-to-heart talk with him. Thanks bro :)
All the best in settling down in a new church.

Life is a sum of choices.

Never made it as a wise man,
I couldn't cut it as a poor man stealin'.
Tired of livin' like a blind man,
I'm sick of sight without a sense of feelin,
And this is how you remind me

This is how you remind me
Of what I really am
This is how you remind me
Of what I really am

It's not like you to say sorry
I was waiting on a different story
This time I'm mistaken
For handing you a heart worth breakin'
And I've been wrong, I've been down
Been to the bottom of every bottle
These five words in my head
Scream "Are we having fun yet?"

It's not like you didn't know that
I said I love you and I swear I still do
And it must have been so bad
Cause living with me must have damn near killed you

And this is how you remind me
Of what I really am
This is how you remind me
Of what I really am

It's not like you to say sorry
I was waiting on a different story
This time I'm mistaken
For handing you a heart worth breakin'
And I've been wrong, I've been down
Been to the bottom of every bottle
These five words in my head
Scream "Are we having fun yet?"

Never made it as a wise man
I couldn't cut it as a poor man stealing
And this is how you remind me
This is how you remind me

This is how you remind me
Of what I really am
This is how you remind me
Of what I really am

It's not like you to say sorry
I was waiting on a different story
This time I'm mistaken
For handing you a heart worth breakin'
And I've been wrong, I've been down
Been to the bottom of every bottle
These five words in my head
Scream "Are we having fun yet?"

How you remind me - Nickelback


Had APEL class today. Which stands for Applied Principles for Effective Learning.
Learnt quite a lot from Dr Arnold. Hmmm, were talking about a given situation, where the girl was pregnant.
If we were in the girls shoe, should we :
1) Abort the baby and forget about everything.
2) Born the baby and receive the hardship and difficulties in time to come.

If you were the girl, what would your choice be? Ummm hmmm.

Oh well, both retail accounting and marketing tutorials were fine for me. Just that got a little bit of conflict with Kaye. Sorry huh, things just got heated a lil just now. No hard feelings. :)
We should act like a grown up, put issues aside and work towards the finish line.